


We Should Kiss the Girls We Want to Kiss

by madlaw



Series: SuperCorp One Shots [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Mostly Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 04:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13263777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlaw/pseuds/madlaw
Summary: “Yetyoukissedme,” he points out heatedly, his chin high, almost self-righteously.  Lena fights the urge to roll her eyes."Yes.  The quality of my life choices seems to have an inverse relationship to how much alcohol I consume.”





	We Should Kiss the Girls We Want to Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I know I said I wouldn't be posting 'fix-its' but I just couldn't let that kiss stand. Once again, f*ck you CW!
> 
> I'm not really happy with this fic, but its 1:30 am and I'm tired. This is the first story I've written in weeks so I'm excited. Hopefully 2018 means the end of writers block!
> 
> As always, feed the author!

His lips are rough against hers and his hands immediately fall to her hips, pulling her into his overdeveloped pecs possessively.  It’s a sharp reminder this is not whose body she wants to feel against her own.  She steps back abruptly and for a moment James lips give chase, but she places her hand on his chest and he immediately steps back.  He knows his physique can be intimidating and he doesn’t want to make Lena uncomfortable.

“James, I’m sorry, I—”

“Kara…”

Lena’s confused for a moment because James doesn’t seem to be talking to her.  He’s looking over her shoulder.  A sinking feeling starts churning in her stomach as she turns around.  Kara stands there stunned.  Her glistening eyes, normally wide open skies, darken behind glasses sitting crookedly on her nose. 

It reminds Lena of an old time movie projector; the scenes flickering with the actors’ emotions telling a story.  But this narrative – hurting Kara, is not worth the price of admission.  She knows her best friend and her heart plunges into the pit of her stomach with the realization things may have just changed irrevocably.

Kara’s eyes snap to Lena’s as she wakens from her sudden stupor.  “Oh…uh…I’m sorry to interrupt…pfft it can wait,” she waives her arms while she looks anywhere but at her two friends, her face flushed red; whether from embarrassment or anger Lena’s not sure.  “Happy holidays,” she calls over her shoulder as she races to the staircase at inhuman speed.

Lena takes a jerky step to follow, but James clears his throat behind her and she realizes she owes him an apology.  She straightens her shoulders and turns, her demeanor etched with remorse.

“James, I’m sorry.  This was inappropriate on so many levels—”

“Because of Kara,” he mutters under his breath. 

Lena’s not sure what he’s thinking; his eyes shuttered against her probing gaze.  She ignores his dig about Kara.  “You saved my life and I am very grateful.  But I’m your boss.  Most importantly, I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”

“Yet _you_ kissed _me_ ,” he points out heatedly, his chin high, almost self-righteously.  Lena fights the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Yes.  The quality of my life choices seems to have an inverse relationship to how much alcohol I consume.”

James’ irritation stems from within.  He should’ve known better than to wade into the riptides running dangerous and deep under Lena and Kara.

 

* * *

 

James finds Kara on the roof and he quietly sits down next to her.  He makes to wrap his arm around Kara’s shoulder but she flinches and he lets it drop.  Kara’s phone buzzes repeatedly and her screen lights up with notifications of several texts from Lena as well as two voicemails.  She ignores them.

“Look Kara, I didn’t do anything wrong.  She kissed _me_.”

“Really, that’s what you’re going with?” she questions sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” he bites out, his jaw clenched in frustration.

Kara’s mouth slackens as she shakes her head.  “You and I were emotionally involved, James.  You don’t see anything wrong with hitting on my best friend?!”

“Maybe you should take it up with Lena since she came onto _me_ ,” he stresses.

“She doesn’t know anything about our history James!”

"What am I supposed to do Kara?  Never date anyone again?”

“I don’t care who you date James, just not Lena!  You’ve distrusted her since she moved to National City.  You’ve done everything in your power to tarnish her character.  Now all of a sudden she’s…pfft…pfft…your…friend?!”

“I told you already I was wrong about Lena.”

“So you’ve said.  Yet every time you hear Luthor in relation to a crime, you immediately default back to suspecting her involvement and doubting her integrity.  Rao, you wanted her to step-down from CatCo!  Why was that James?  Ego?  Because you thought she was actually capable of poisoning children?!  That’s what you call friendship?! Loyalty?!  Trust?!  

Even if this…situation…weren’t so emotionally fraught, I wouldn’t approve of you dating her.  Not because she’s not right for you, but because you’re not good enough for her,” she admits softly, catching her breath.

James leaves without another word and Kara doesn’t try to stop him.  She knows she said hateful things, things that may destroy their friendship, but right now she can’t bring herself to care.

 

* * *

 

She crosses her legs and closes her eyes, taking deep, slow, breaths trying to calm the inner battle waging inside her.  Maybe she’s overreacted.  But the sight of James’ hands on Lena’s hips, their bodies pressed together, cleaved her heart.  Instant possessiveness coursed through her veins and she’d exercised all her control to not tear him away from Lena and toss him over the balcony like she’d done to Cat all those months ago; only one thought verberating in her psyche… _mine_.  Only this time Red-K wouldn’t serve as an excuse.

She knows she can’t keep running from her feelings for Lena.  She can’t just brush it off with a reassuring smile and comforting words; she _refuses_.  The thought of Lena loving someone else turns to ash on her tongue. 

They’d been dancing around each other since the moment they met.  One look into the full force of Lena’s translucent green eyes and Kara knew Lena would become one of the most important people in her life.  It was disconcerting and she’d left Lena’s office a hot mess, already sensing the magnetic pull to the younger woman.

It’s only been a year since they met, but Lena colors her world in soothing Kryptonian shades, imbuing her with a sense of safety.  Kara finally _fits_.  It’s something the Danvers always tried to give her; but belonging is not something you create.  It’s something that sprouts in fertile soil, its roots anchoring it home. 

Lena nurtures Kara’s soul.  Kara doesn’t need to hide any part of her.  They sync unconsciously, without effort.  Lena respects, trusts, and protects Kara Danvers equally with Supergirl; she understands Kara Zor-El. 

Kara sighs.  She knows she needs to talk to Lena tonight.  It wouldn’t be fair to leave things unsettled between them.  She has a fleeting thought about calling Alex for advice and moral support, but Kara knows it will come with strings attached.  Although Lena and Alex have reached a détente of sorts, Alex still has reservations about the CEO.  Kara doesn’t have the time or energy to listen to another lecture from her sister, no matter how well-intentioned.

But she can call the one person who will give her unvarnished advice and guidance.

 

“Kiera, you do know about time differences right?  You dragged me out of a lovely dream.  I was dreaming about Clark Kent working under me…”

“Ms. Grant, please don’t finish that sentence.”  Kara quickly interrupts.  _Oh Rao, please kill me now._

“Fine.  But I can hear your frown from here.  So out with it.  Chop.  Chop.”

“Uh…eh…I…”

“Kara I don’t have the time, nor the inclination, to listen to you babble like a newborn.”

“I think I’ve fallen in love with my best friend and I don’t know what to do I don’t want to ruin our friendship and what if she doesn’t feel the same and,” Kara runs out of breath and pauses.

“So you and the Luthor finally opened your eyes.  It’s about time.”

“Pfft…uh…what do you mean…I mean we’re still just friends…I never said…”

“Kara, listen closely.  I’ve already told you and, as you should know, I’m not a fan of repeating myself.  Dive Kara.  Dive.”

The dial tone sounds harsh in her ear, but Kara’s grinning all the same.  Cat’s right.  In order to live she must keep daring, keep diving.

 

* * *

 

Lena’s curled on her couch, snuggled into one of Kara’s sweatshirts she’d stolen months ago.  There’s a faded koala on the front with the slogan _I must’ve been a koala in a past life_.  It never fails to make Lena smile because Kara cuddles like a koala; clinging with her whole body like Lena’s her tree.  She’s warm and soft and Lena never feels safer than in her arms.

She runs her finger around the rim of her wineglass thoughtfully as she stares out at the city.  The view is one of the reasons she bought the building.  The cacophony of life murmurs in the air distantly, soothing white noise. 

Lena’s emotionally exhausted.  Her feud with Edge is taxing enough, but now the nexus of her relationship with Kara stretches taut, in danger of fraying.  Her feelings have run the gamut tonight; anger, trepidation, guilt.

Objectively she knows she did nothing wrong; but the word betrayal whispers in her ear.  She’s not romantically involved with Kara, so it’s somewhat of a double standard her friend seems to have adopted. 

She watched Kara fall in love with Mon-El while her heart broke and numbness became her companion. 

She graciously understood when Kara spent increasingly less time with her in order to dedicate more time to the man-child who’d managed to worm his way into her life.  When Kara called, she came; when she didn’t, she waited patiently. 

When Mon-El’s house of cards finally collapsed under the weight of his lies, Lena held Kara while she cried, cancelling meetings on a whim to be there when Kara needed her.  Kara only came back to her after Mon-El was gone; again Lena offered shelter from the pain, which Kara greedily accepted.

But Lena fights the bitterness; Kara isn’t responsible for Lena’s feelings after all.  Deep in her heart Lena believes she doesn’t deserve to be loved.  She's a Luthor.  Everyone leaves her in the end.

 

* * *

 

It’s late when she hears a timid knock on her door.  She knows its Kara; no one else is allowed up unannounced.  She considers ignoring the knock for a second, but Kara knows from her heartbeat she’s home and awake. 

She takes a deep breath and cracks the door open, walking back to the couch assuming Kara will follow her.  She watches as Kara hangs her coat and takes off her shoes, throwing her purse onto the same stool she’s used a hundred times.

Lena supposes she could feign nothing’s wrong.  It’s not like they had an argument or Kara caught her cheating.  But Lena refuses to keep pretending.  She’s tired.  Her feelings aren’t platonic and she’s going to respect herself enough to own up to them.

Kara’s eyes wander around the room, not settling on anything, working up the courage to be honest with Lena.  It occurs to her this is her best friend.  Lena would never mock her feelings even if she doesn’t reciprocate them.

“Hi,” she whispers, fidgeting with her hands, but finally meeting Lena’s gaze.

Lena can’t help but soften.  She quirks her lips slightly and raises a perfectly waxed eyebrow inquisitively.

“I’m sorry about rushing out earlier.”

Lena speaks for the first time since Kara arrived.  “Care to explain?”

Lena’s never spoken to Kara so guardedly.  It’s a voice she uses when she’s wearing her CEO façade.  Kara clears her throat.  “It hurt me to see you kissing James.”

Lena watches her thoughtfully.  “I’m confused Kara; at your party you were practically throwing me at him.  I don’t believe you’d play with my feelings so callously, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt.  But Kara, even _I’m_ too old to be playing games.  So which is it?”

“I should’ve never baited you at the party.  I deeply regret it.  Sam put me on the spot and I panicked.  I didn’t know what to say.”

“So is it James specifically you have an objection to?”

Kara’s eyes dart to the hard-wood floors like the answer lies in the grain of the planks.  But she looks up determinedly.  “Yes.  No.”

“I’m going to need more clarification than that Kara.”  Lena refuses to hope. 

“You haven’t dated anyone since we met; at least that I know of,” Kara segues.  “I never thought my reaction would be so…visceral.  I was caught off guard.”

“Kara, it’s late and I’m exhausted.  Please stop deflecting.  Otherwise what’s the point?  Why are you here in the middle of the night to tell me something I already know?”

“Did you like kissing James?”

Lena’s nostrils flare and Kara can hear her teeth grinding even without her super-hearing. 

“No Kara.  You don’t get to do this.  You don’t get to break me wide open while you cower behind your excuses.”

She stands abruptly, looking down at Kara with impassive eyes.  “Please leave.”

Kara wants to argue, but she also respects Lena.  So she stands reluctantly with a sad smile.  “Do you think we could grab some coffee tomorrow?”

Lena sighs.  She’s sure of one thing.  She wants Kara in her life.  Pushing her away when she’s obviously trying to share her feelings honestly, whatever they may be, will only drive a wedge between them.

“I’ll call you when I wake up.”

 

* * *

 

Kara tells herself she’s going to respect Lena’s privacy, but it’s almost one o’clock and she still hasn’t heard from her.  She may be in trouble she rationalizes and reaches out with her senses for the heartbeat that’s become the soundtrack to her life.  Lena’s breathing softly, the rhythm telling Kara she’s sleeping.  Kara immediately feels better knowing Lena’s not ignoring her.

It’s almost three when her phone starts to vibrate across her desk. 

 

Lee:  Can you come over?

Kara: Of course! See you soon.

 

Kara stops to pick up coffee.  She thinks about buying lunch but thinks better of it; it may be too presumptuous.

“Hi da—thanks for the coffee.”  Kara catches Lena’s almost slip.  Lena frequently calls her darling or love, her Gaelic accent wrapping the words in warmth and Kara’s heart skips a beat every time. 

“You’re welcome.  Really it was no trouble at all.”

They settle into the couch again although not close.  Lena sits on one end, her back resting against the armrest, a hand supporting her head as she sips her coffee.  Kara sits cross-legged facing her, a pillow clutched to her chest.

Kara takes a deep breath.  Lena’s still guarded, but there’s also a small smile lurking at the corner of her mouth and Kara loosens her death grip on the pillow. 

“I’m jealous.  I mean not normally, but you know, when I saw you kiss James.”

Kara fidgets for a moment before continuing.  “It never occurred to me I might have to share you someday.  You’re not just my best friend; you’re my safe place, my home.  I took a lot of things for granted…I took you for granted.”

Lena’s unsure of the meaning behind Kara’s words.  She remains outwardly calm, but her heart beats erratically and she knows Kara hears it.  Lena’s scared.  She feels like she’s perched on a precipice; she wants to jump but she’s afraid to fall.

“I think about you all the time Lee.  You’re so strong and brave…you are _so_ good; your heart burns so bright.  You’ve been my rock…my reason…my safe place; even when I didn’t deserve it.  I love you.  I’m in love with you.”

Lena can’t help the tears streaming silently down her face or the trembling of her lips.  She wants to believe so badly, her heart aches; but in the back of her mind she hears Lillian telling her she’ll never be good enough, smart enough, brave enough. 

“Why now Kara?  I kiss James and suddenly you’re in love with me?”

“Lee, I’ve been falling in love with you since the day we met.  It started as friendship, sure; but our connection transcends all the love I’ve ever known.  I _see_ you Lena Luthor and I know you see me.”

Lena’s managed to stop crying and she wipes her face with her shirt.  “But what if we don’t work?  A Luthor and a Super sounds like a fairytale.  Luthor’s don’t get happy endings,” she shrugs, feigning nonchalance; but a lifetime of pain churns in her eyes like the ocean during a storm.

“We are more than our names Lena.  A long time ago I promised to always be by your side.  I promised we’d always be friends.  I promised to always protect you.  I don’t break my promises.”

Lena finally finds the strength to tell Kara her deepest secret.  “Kara, I am so in love with you it scares me.”

Kara scoots closer and Lena watches as her smile brightens subtly—not a sudden sunburst, but an oil lamp being turned slowly up.

She captures Lena’s lips softly, just nibbling really. She deepens the kiss gradually, like she’s impelled by an unseen force.  It’s tender, but hints at restrained passion.  They pull apart leaning their foreheads together.

“So just to clarify; you won’t be kissing anyone else right?”

“Darling, I’ll never kiss anyone else again.”

“Okay good because…”

Lena places her finger on Kara’s lips.  “Kara I love you, but please shut up and kiss me.”

 

 


End file.
